2006-03-20 - 10:19 a.m.
ostara

I have made a decision about keeping a computer at home even if I have to rent one. This new system at the libary sucks! I got booted off my computer since it shut down and re-started cuz someone reserved it for 10:20 am. ugh! I dont feel that anyone should have the right to tie up a computer that way,first come first serve ugh! Yah I know Im being selfish, but when I get insightful I hate to have it interupted. Also I dont want to spend 2 hours all togther at the computer. I get up and do other things when Im home, whilst Im online. And also I wont have to put up with any dammned keyboards that stick etc.


I finally got past thinking I was fat. And am working on self-acceptance. I did a ritual appeling to the goddess in her mother aspect.

I am just tired of all this bullimic crap! Its very self-destructive and I want to stop all self-destructive behaviors that I have,and since Im clean the bullimia is now my biggest one.

I am making myself do the right things even when I don't want to. I just feel myself getting frustrated so easily. Doesnt help that Im not on my meds atm since I ran out oops!


I realize that I put expectations on ppl and though I dont mean to,I do. Sorry to the ppl Ive done that to.

Its just that I dont honestly know what to expect from others,or what I should begin to expect from others.

I have had so few healthy freindships and relationships b4 and its hard to adjust being in any now. P and I are doing good as far as I know. I just wish he'd hurry up and get home. April will be a year he has been over in Iraq,and I really miss him.

He stays in touch when he can, and always tells me that he loves me and is proud of me. Which helps a little. Its just not the same as being able to talk to him all the time like I was b4.

I guess this will be one of those cases where good things come to those who wait! >=)

Happy ostara to everyone ( spring equinox) today we thank the goddess and the god for blessing the land with new life . I personally am thanking them for blessing me with a new life!

I never thought my life would ever be as good as it is now. Im still working on balance in all areas of my life, but it acutally feels good to exprience my feelings,rather then drugging them away.


Blessings to all mia

before - after